I live in Texas and was raised in a strict Mennonite home. I know all about the trials of leaving your community. I’ve been on my own for about 10 years now.
I’m still close to my family but I know my mom wants me to come home and get married to a Mennonite.
I have accomplished so many things on my own. Great career, friends, even purchased my own home. None of those thing seem to matter because I should be married and have about 5 kids by now (you know, be prosperous and multiply). They just can’t accept that I’m happy:)
I think it takes a lot of courage to leave what you know and start a life that goes against all you’ve been taught.

You have a good command of the English language – seeing you were raised Amish.

I visited the Bloomfield community years ago where I also preached. I did not get to meet your dad with whom I had some correspondance sometime before.

I had the privilege to meet Elmo Stoll sometime before his death. He never knew the blessing he was to me during the time we were going through some severe difficulties.

Who will God hold responsible for all the igorance, misunderstandings, broken families, crushing situations, with its perpetual pain and sorrows among the Amish churches nation wide?

For those of you who have been rejected, shunned and put out of your home and churches – Have you found forgiveness in your hearts towards them? Did you know that when you do so, God will also forgive them, with a great possibility to save them as well?

Even though I am severely censured and shunned throughout by the Amish churches, they have nevertheless given me life and sustanence. Without them I would not exist. I am indebted to them, May God therefore richly bless and reward them.

Ben Girod

Ira’s response: As of yet, there is no book. I’m working on it.

My name is Philip and I live in Pennsylvania. I was wondering if you know any way that I could possibly visit the Amish? I’ve been to Lancaster County before and have seen the “Amish Bed and Breakfasts” that are advertised to the public, but I am interested in visiting a real Amish family because their way of life fascinates me.

I don’t imagine that any of them would take a guest, but do you know how I might be able to write to some of the families there?

Thanks so much!

Philip
PhilipGerardJohnson (at) gmail.com

I myself have no connection to Amish or other Plain people whatsoever. Living in Massachusetts, I’m not aware I have ever even SEEN a still-practicing Amish person until I happened to accidentally visit one of the newer settlements in northern Maine last week. (Of course I then read some things on the Internet about things Amish, which is how I ended up here via the Amish America web site.) I actually work at a residential treatment center for teenage boys, most of whom, have grown up in broken, poor, homes run by a single parent (meaning a teenage mom of course), or NO parents, often completely dependent on the off and on whims of various state agencies such as DSS, DCF, etc. Instead these kids have lived with a collection of “aunts”, or single grandmas (30 year old grandmas!), or a string of failed foster homes. Most come from urban existences, depending heavily on TV and other electronic distractions for all of their life experiences growing up, excepting the times their uncle was raping them or when they actually managed to attend a day of school in the awful city school where they were enrolled (and hoping they weren’t beaten up or shot that day.)

Even well-off suburban kids live empty lives in front of the TV or computer, over-scheduled by the demands of modern life, while trying to remember in which room they left one of their 3 I-Pods in.

I’m 46 and I’ve been around some now, so it doesn’t surprise me to read here of Amish troubles. Heck, life is rough and there are no perfect solutions anywhere. Still, having watched the community-destroying effects of too much commercial media, the isolating effects of people commuting from far exurbs, sealed up in cars for 2 to 3 hours a day, or hiding out with drug-addicted family in the projects of some big city, I can understand how some Plain communities can come to fear the effects of the Outside culture. Contemporary American culture has major problems of community failure, environmental destruction, and greed. I need not elaborate on any of that for you all, I’m sure. That all of the latter is going to get much worse before it gets better as Oil Decline sets in on this civilization, I have NO doubt in my mind.

I don’t wish kids to grow up while squelched into submission, denied schooling beyond the middle years, or denied Shakespeare (or Edward Abby!), living with no outside literature and having to brave nightly trips to the outhouse in a snow storm. But I hope many former Amish kids, now adults, commenting on this blog, appreciate what they DID have, because I have to tell you, as an residential care worker, gardener (at the school with the troubled kids), teacher, and mentor, I could think of equally bad ways in which one COULD have been forced to spend a childhood rather than at the hands of too-demanding parents and an overreaching Amish bishop.

Organized religion has its problems, but of course, so does growing up in a secular culture without religion or a strong, local community of caring, connected people as well.

My husband & I left the Amish too [I grew up in Roy Miller's church.] and I never found the regret we were told we would have. Thankfulness- definitely!

I believe growing up in Roy’s church does something to a person. I read your blog on Elmo Stoll and remember hearing about some of those things. I’ve always been surprised that Roy helped other churches with their problems. One would think he’d have his hands full with his own. He -I kid you not- made a new rule that the couples in his church who are done having kids are not allowed to have sex anymore. There were all sorts of vile things going on in that church. You could beat and molest and you were OK as long as you dressed really plain. To anyone reading this- please understand this is just one church and one of the most extreme ones in Northern Indiana. Most of the Amish I know in my life now are admirable, decent people.

Anyway, Ira, you can delete this if you want. I have talked with some of those people recently and they believe I’m far out in the world [gasp! nix uch da kopp!!]. It was a jolt to walk back into their world and opinions again. Anyway, how was that for some plain old unvarnished truth?

I read the story here and I am really interested about the Amish people and their lives. I didn’t grow up Amish. I am interested about their lives, because the lifestyle, a lot to make self and use the animals for the work and use gardening to survive. I reckon our population in Europe doesn’t care about how to do it natural and easy. One day, I would like to have a look in a Amish village in Canada, what do you think, is it possible to give a hand for to have expierince in an Amish family? Does it matter where I come from?

Thank you for the answer.

One of the most vivid memories of that time was my older sister fetching just-finished laundry to put in the black duffel bag, my mother making sandwiches and packages of my favorite cookies to send along. Greyhound passengers introduced me to the cynicism of the rest of the world before I was 300 miles from home.

I do have regrets. I regret that I left in the manner I did, and regret the hard knocks that my immaturity in the world brought, but I think I would have ended up right here no mater what, so I am thankful for the advanced wisdom for my age. Haha!

In the concluding chapter of my graduate thesis in which I write about leaving the Mennonites, one of my professors chided me for saying that I had no regrets. He argued that my whole thesis was full of sadness, loss, regret. I think we were talking about two different things.

In my use of the word regret, I was referring to what my parents had always told me I would feel–wishing I could go back, wishing I had never left, wishing I had not taken my own way.

There is none of that. There is sadness and loss. Sadness that I have lost the belonging to my family. Loss of innocence. Wishing my parents and my family could understand how happy I truly am.

But there are always trade-offs and I would never take back all that if I had to give up what I have now.

–Admin.

I was a late comer to the communities and was never able to meet Elmo. My wife and I moved into the Delano community. We only lasted about a year and were forced to leave due to increasing legalism.

Any one that lived in or was affiliated with the Cookeville , Decatur or Delano communities, I would be interested to hear from you. My e-mail is zacharyreed@hotmail.com

Zachary A. Reed

You should visit Holmes County, Ira. Tell Pat to bring you along sometime.

That was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. To give my dear mother a hug and leave to board a greyhound bus with my meager belongings in a duffle bag, for a taste of the hard cruel world!

Great post as always. I always look forward to Friday night.

I hope you don’t mind my jumping in here with a prayer request for you and your readers. Some dear friends of ours are experiencing a very trying time. Their 3 year old daughter is at Hershey Medical Center on life support, struggling for her life. To everyone, please pray for her recovery and strength for her parents. They have a blog set up at http://www.kiramary.blogspot.com. Thanks so much.

Ira, I too live in the Aylmer area and am familiar with a lot of names and places you write of. I came from the Troyer Amish near Norwich, moving to the Aylmer area in 1976. I deserted the Amish in 1960. The Aylmer Amish sent a delegation to Norwich to try to draw me to their fold. As chance would have it, I was not home and they left some reading material, which I did read. But I was determined to never return to any type of Amish.

When you speak of regrets, I have none either. The stories of those poor lost souls who want to return to the Amish ways and can’t are just that; stories. In fact, I don’t know of any such poor lost souls. I think they use these as a kind of scare propaganda to influence their youth. I recall hearing such stories come from the preachers. Another false concept I will never wipe out. And the demise of PA Dutch; well that is a story for another day. But I shall quit for now.