{"id":5706,"date":"2012-06-01T18:17:56","date_gmt":"2012-06-01T22:17:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/?p=5706"},"modified":"2012-06-04T10:15:57","modified_gmt":"2012-06-04T14:15:57","slug":"the-glenn-beck-plot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/?p=5706","title":{"rendered":"The Glenn Beck Plot…"},"content":{"rendered":"

photo-2-small.JPG<\/a><\/p>\n

…there was something there incredibly near and
\nmost familiar, only a word, a stride, a room, a door
\naway — only a door away and never opened, only
\na door away and never found.<\/p>\n

—Thomas Wolfe
\n______________<\/p>\n

It\u2019s an understatement to say that I have some very strong political opinions. I\u2019m a libertarian. And I\u2019m not shy about saying it as I see it, now and then. Agree or disagree, I\u2019m fine either way. I know what I believe. Doesn\u2019t matter what the majority thinks. I don’t write what I think my readers might want to hear, I write it as I see it. Or try to, anyway. <\/p>\n

There\u2019s one area, though, where I\u2019m the most apolitical person out there. I mean apolitical as in completely ambivalent. And that\u2019s when it comes to readers of my book. When it comes to that, I\u2019m the most agreeable person you could imagine. I cheer folks of every political stripe, from the Earth First crowd to Secessionists. And every shade between. Including, of course, the mainstream Democrats and Republicans alike.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t care who you are, I want you to read my book. I\u2019d be honored to give a signed copy to President Obama, and hope that maybe he\u2019d carry it openly with the title clearly visible to cameras as he walked across the White House lawn to board the helicopter to his next golf game. I\u2019d sign and give a copy to Nancy Pelosi. John Boehner. Harry Reed. Both ex-presidents Bush, George H. W. and George W. And Mr. William Jefferson Clinton, he\u2019d get a signed copy too, if I could get it to him. I\u2019m very much an across-the-board kind of guy that way. <\/p>\n

How far would I take it, this political ambivalence? I\u2019d even give a copy to North Korea\u2019s new young little pot-bellied tyrant, Kim what\u2019s-his-name. And hope that he\u2019d decree that all his brutally oppressed subjects must also buy and read it. Well, maybe that\u2019s going too far. No one should be compelled to read a book just because a tyrant tells him to. So strike that. But I\u2019d sign a copy of Growing Up Amish<\/em> to the murderous young Kim himself. And give it to him, free. Yep, I would. <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t care who you are, I want you to read my book. And talk about it in your world. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always been very shy, though, about aggressively promoting myself or the book. Through the years, I have never promoted this blog in any way. Never. I just sat at my old beat-up metal Army desk in a corner of my cluttered little living room and wrote, and let the chips fall. And the chips fell in some very good places. At work, I have a little poster of the book hanging in front of the counter where I take walk-ins. If a customer happens to notice and inquires, I\u2019ll tell him. But I\u2019d never call his attention to it. And if he wants a book, well, it just so happens that I always keep a case right there beside my desk. Twelve to fifteen bucks, depending on what I figure the market will bear right at that moment. And I\u2019ll be happy to sign it. I\u2019m very laid back about it all. <\/p>\n

So it didn\u2019t really hit me, right at first, when I heard the radio commercials a few months back. Glenn Beck was coming to town, right here in Lancaster on Friday night, April 13th. A banquet of some sort. He was giving a speech. Get your tickets now, the radio announcer\u2019s solemn voice intoned. They will be sold out soon. <\/p>\n

And I thought about it. How cool would it be, to give Glenn Beck a copy of my book? I mean, the man has millions of loyal listeners. I listen to him myself, now and then. Not as rabidly as I used to years ago. But still, I respect him and agree with much of what he says. He loses me when he mocks Ron Paul and his foreign policy. Irritates me a lot, that does. Slice that out, and I\u2019d be a decently loyal fan. And I figured if he\u2019d read Growing Up Amish<\/em>, he\u2019d surely be compelled to mention it on the air. Well, maybe he would. Maybe he wouldn\u2019t. One would never know unless he somehow got a copy. <\/p>\n

I mulled it over a lot. How could I get my book to him? Here he was going to be, in person, less than fifteen miles from my home. Seemed like there had to be a way, somehow. I instinctively knew it would not work for me to attend the banquet and try to hand him the book. Every man and his dog who\u2019s ever written a book is trying to get people of Glenn Beck\u2019s status to notice it. It\u2019s all so desperate and hopeless, when you push yourself out there like that. And besides, I\u2019m not one for big rah-rah banquets anyway. Don\u2019t enjoy that kind of thing. So that was out. I wouldn\u2019t go myself. <\/p>\n

Who, then? Who could give him a copy? I had friends attending the banquet, and one or two of them volunteered to take a copy and see if they could get through. But still, it didn\u2019t feel right. It couldn\u2019t be me, giving him the book, but it couldn\u2019t be just anyone else either. It had to be someone with some credibility. Who would be the most credible person to give Glenn Beck a book titled Growing Up Amish<\/em>? And the answer just kind of slid into my mind. <\/p>\n

An Amish person. That\u2019s who would be the most credible. An Amish person giving him a book about the Amish. <\/p>\n

I have many Amish friends in Lancaster County. Friends I hang out with because they are just that. Friends. And Lancaster County is different from any other Amish community I\u2019ve ever seen or lived in. These people, at least the ones I hang with, know what\u2019s going on. They are intelligent, wary, street smart. <\/p>\n

After I figured out the ideal conduit to get my book to Glenn, I immediately thought of the ideal couple. Good friends of mine. Young, thirtyish. With young children. Dave and Anne. I\u2019ve known Anne for a long time, since she was a child, through her family. After she married Dave, I got to know him too. He runs his own small manufacturing shop. He’s a realtor and a real estate investor and shares his insights now and then.<\/a> He’s always moving. Shaking. Connecting, always connecting. So I called him on his cell phone. Yep, in Lancaster, as in many other Amish communities, cell phones are grudgingly allowed. For business, and such. And Dave is among the most wired of all the Amish in the land. <\/p>\n

He answered. Dave here. And I launched right in. Did you know Glenn Beck\u2019s coming to town for a banquet? He\u2019d heard something, but hadn\u2019t paid much attention. He had several of Glenn\u2019s books. And I told him. I\u2019m trying to get my book into his hands. If I bought tickets for you and Anne, would you take a copy and give it to him? Dave seemed taken with the idea. Free tickets. Free banquet. All he had to do was slip a book to Glenn Beck. <\/p>\n

\u201cLet me talk it over with Anne,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019ll get back to you. But yeah, I\u2019d say we\u2019d be into that.\u201d Great, I said. It\u2019s next Friday night. Let me know.<\/p>\n

And he did, the next day. Yeah, they would love to go attend the banquet and help me carry out my little plot. No guarantees of anything, though. He\u2019d do what he could. All right. I had found the source to get my book to Glenn. Now for the tickets. Those were all sold out, long ago. So I called a local businessman, Jeff Smoker, owner of Smoker Door Sales.<\/a> We deal with Jeff a good bit at Graber, buy Overhead doors from him for our buildings. It was time to call in a little favor. After hearing my request, Jeff was most agreeable. Yes, he had bought several very good tables up front, close to the stage. “I\u2019ll gladly sell you a ticket,” he said. “So you can give your book to Glenn.”<\/p>\n

No, no, I said. I\u2019m not going. That won\u2019t work. I don’t want to be anywhere close to the place. Every writer tries to push his book on people like Glenn. I\u2019ve got some Amish friends, a young couple. They said they\u2019d go and do it for me. I want to buy two tickets for them. And Jeff was instantly intrigued. Pulled into the excitement of the plot. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what?\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019ve got a few VIP tickets left, to go in the back room and meet Glenn. I\u2019ll throw those in for free, to help you out. And tell Dave and Anne I\u2019ll pick them up and take them with me on Friday night.\u201d And just like that, it all fell into place, better than I could have dared to hope. I had the right people. I had access. Now, plan out the details and see what happens. <\/p>\n

I stopped by to see Dave and Anne that Tuesday after work. Sat at their kitchen table. We talked. Plotted. Connived. I want you dressed in Sunday finery, I said. Wear your \u201cMutza\u201d suit coat. White shirt. And Anne, look as Amish as you can. Bonnet. Halzduch. The whole works. And then they offered something I hadn\u2019t thought of. They would give Glenn one of their copies of the book, a copy I had signed to them. That way, the gift would be from them, not from me. I left, feeling mildly exuberant. Hey, when there\u2019s a job to do, get the right people to do it. That\u2019s what I\u2019d just done, I figured, for a mission such as this.<\/p>\n

Friday evening rolled around, and I went to the gym as usual. Little ripples of tension pulsed through me. It would be happening right around 6:30 or so. That\u2019s when the VIPs would get to meet Glenn for pictures. After my workout, I went home, ate my supper, then sat at my command center, my computer. I felt like a devious spymaster, in hood and cloak, behind the scenes in the shadows. I\u2019d pulled all the right levers, seemed like, for a covert operation. Now everything depended on the people I had chosen for the task.<\/p>\n

The minutes passed. It should be happening about now. I sat there. And then my iPhone beeped. An instant message. I pawed at the screen. From Dave. A few brief words. \u201cMission accomplished.\u201d And I sat there as relief flooded through me. Whatever else happened or didn\u2019t happen, Glenn Beck had my book. In his hands. There\u2019s not a whole lot of people out there who can say that. I texted back. Thanks much. I\u2019ll stop by for a full debriefing tomorrow sometime. <\/p>\n

The next day, around mid morning on a Saturday, I pulled in. Dave and Anne met me with smiles and coffee. They still seemed on a high from what they had seen and done the night before. And he told me in detail how it came down. <\/p>\n

They arrived early and got in line to get into the back room. Jeff slipped in first, to case the joint. He saw they were confiscating everything. Many people had brought books Glenn had written, for his signature. But this was immediately nixed by security. They were here to meet Glenn for a few seconds, to get their pictures taken. Nothing else was allowed. Put everything in these boxes here. Books. Purses. Jeff quickly texted Dave. (My team in action, there.) Hide the book, or they will seize it. And Dave tucked the book into the inside pocket of his \u201cMutza\u201d suit coat. And there it remained, undetected, as the line slowly moved forward. When they entered the room, even Dave\u2019s hat was confiscated. You can\u2019t take anything in. Nothing but yourselves. <\/p>\n

The room was full of eager fans, all lined up. As each person approached Glenn, they shook hands and turned to the camera man, who snapped a picture. Budda boom, ten seconds or less, just like that, and then move on out. Lots of people here. Keep the line moving. Security hovered everywhere. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen Dave in action many times. He\u2019s friendly, charming and outgoing. Not afraid to talk to anyone, anywhere. But he admitted that as the line slowly snaked toward Glenn, and it was time to walk out to the spot where it would be their turn next, he shivered a bit inside. Steeled himself. What had he gotten himself into this time? Or more accurately, what had Ira talked him into this time? Those thoughts, and many others, he said, flashed through his head. And then it was their turn to approach the man who was the target of our plot. <\/p>\n

I give Dave a lot of credit. A lesser man might well have shriveled under the pressure. Might have just smiled, shook Glenn\u2019s hand, and turned to pose for the picture. But not Dave. He and Anne walked up and he positioned himself so his back was actually turned to the camera. Anne stood beside him. They were Amish. Not here for a picture. <\/p>\n

Glenn smiled and greeted them, probably the first Amish people he\u2019d ever met. And Dave boldly plunged in. He smiled back. Shook Glenn\u2019s hand. \u201cHi, I\u2019m Dave. This is my wife, Anne. We\u2019re not here for a picture. We came to give you a gift.\u201d And he reached into his suit coat pocket and pulled out my book. Security guys almost lunged in for the tackle, but drew back when they saw what he held. And my friend Dave offered a copy of Growing Up Amish<\/em> to Glenn Beck. And Glenn Beck took the book from his hands. <\/p>\n

\u201cThis is Amish country, and I thought you might want to know a bit more about us.\u201d Dave continued. \u201cThis is the most authentic book out there, if you want to know the inside story of how it can be. How it really is for some.\u201d<\/p>\n

Glenn responded with one word. \u201cFantastic.\u201d A tap on Dave\u2019s shoulder then. Security. Time to move on. But amazingly, Glenn waved his guys back. And chatted with Dave and Anne for another ten or fifteen seconds. And then they turned and left him. Mission accomplished. I don\u2019t know if their knees were weak as they walked away. Mine would have been. <\/p>\n

They enjoyed the banquet and Glenn\u2019s speech later, of course. But the real rush of the evening came from smuggling in that book, and getting it to where it was going. We sat there at their kitchen table and talked, glowing in the success of it all. It felt pretty good. We had done it. <\/p>\n

Sure, to some it might seem devious, maybe even to Glenn himself if he ever finds out what we did. But people at his level must inherently know that an incident like that doesn’t just happen. Nothing is innocent, however much it might appear so. People plan and plot and scheme, to get their stuff into the hands of public figures. And that\u2019s what I had just done. Planned and plotted and schemed. I just happened to know and enlist the right people to actually pull it off. <\/p>\n

The following Monday, I listened to Glenn\u2019s show, as best I could with everything else going on at work. And toward the very end, in the last segment, he talked about his Lancaster experience. And how he met this nice young Amish couple. How they thanked him, for generally supporting the Amish. He seemed puzzled. How in the world did these Amish folks know of him, know who he was? You don\u2019t know the Lancaster Amish, I thought to myself. I waited then, holding my breath. But he never mentioned my book. Not a word. Which was about what I\u2019d expected. But still, after the triumph of the plot, it was a bit deflating that it didn\u2019t play out all the way like it could have. <\/p>\n

It still might. The way the book\u2019s been looping down some wild and crazy roads, this episode might well yet bear some fruit. Maybe if Glenn or one of his minions reads this blog, and sees the humor in what really happened. How a few simple country folks, all from “Plain” background, connived so successfully in their little scheme. So if you do read this, come on, Glenn. Give my book two minutes. Or five. Or better yet, have me on your show sometime. I can answer every question you’ve ever had about the Amish. Without even thinking. Because that’s where I come from. <\/p>\n

But if you do none of those things, just know this much. The covert quest of getting my book into your hands was a grand little adventure for a small band of plotters in Lancaster County.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

…there was something there incredibly near and most familiar, only a word, a stride, a room, a door away — only a door away and never opened, only a door away and never found. —Thomas Wolfe ______________ It\u2019s an understatement to say that I have some very strong political opinions. I\u2019m a libertarian. And I\u2019m […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5706","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5706","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5706"}],"version-history":[{"count":174,"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5706\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5881,"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5706\/revisions\/5881"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5706"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5706"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.irawagler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5706"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}