Well, it’s been an extremely interesting and difficult week since this site was launched. If the little tab counter is right, I now (as of Saturday, April 14th) have a total in excess of 1400 hits. I am humbled and awed. I am very excited about this site; I had often dreamed of some such thing in distant and nebulous terms. But here it is, a reality; the only negative is the circumstances that finally birthed it. And about that I have a few words as well.
From where I am, the blood still runs freely in the streets. The consequences of my posts, especially the “Nightmare” essay, as with any controversial action, are still in the process of being forged. I may soon be estranged from at least one sibling who was greatly offended by the essay, unless calmer heads prevail and peace is salvaged. Then there was pain and anguish for those who were in the peripheral areas, those related or close to the main or even the minor characters. For that, for what it’s worth, I apologize. There is no pleasure in extracting my pound of flesh, but there is a lot of satisfaction in the knowledge that my story has now been told, that this destructive episode can never be spun again by anyone, anywhere, without taking my perspective into account as a counterweight to such spin.
Many of you who read this have never met me and do not know who I am. And that’s fine. Only I got an uneasy feeling from all the hits on the site that the vile class of people I most despise, the Gossipers, are and have been busy filling up their great storehouses with poisonous bilge and bile. I can’t control that, but if you are on this site for gossip or to discuss or feel others’ pain for your own perverse pleasure, then get the (bleep) off. I don’t need you. So, because all who had any business reading the “Nightmare” essay have had ample time and opportunity to do so, and because of other sensitivities, I have removed it from the site. Those who salaciously check for more intimate details of what I wrote about will be disappointed.
Pain is no respecter of persons, and every person involved in my story is in pain. R, his wife and family (who I purposely did not mention in my essay), and Ellen and me, all of us have pain as a constant companion every day. I do not say this for sympathy; I state it as fact. And pain from wrong actions is just as deep and real as pain from being wronged, maybe more.
Another class of people, and the Gossipers often overlap into this group, the Enviers, are actually delighted that a wealthy and powerful and successful man like R has stumbled as he has. Envy has quietly consumed them over the years, and when he slipped in spectacular fashion, they swarmed like jackals to the kill. If that is you, then may the Lord rebuke you as well. If you get pleasure from his or any person’s downfall, you need to reexamine your priorities. I will be clear. In every point in my life but the scenario about which I wrote, R has been by far the most generous, caring, and loyal friend I’ve ever had. That’s why my lament plunged to such depths of woe and rage and grief and fury. That close, lifelong friendship is now gone, and regardless of what the future holds, it will never be the same again. And I don’t know how one even begins to pick up the pieces and go on.
But go on I will, and I’m done with my speech. Thanks for all the support to those who posted comments. I treasure each one and especially appreciated Pat Henry’s thoughtful and in-depth mini-essay and Thorne’s Ithaca poem and comments. I am especially grateful to those in my family and extended family who have posted comments or otherwise quietly expressed their support.
WELL. So what did you think of the site otherwise? I think it’s a winner. (Now I will make like a Nascar driver: “I wanna thank my crew and my sponsors and we had a good car today and the track was great and everyone worked real hard to make this come together, and we’re excited about this season, (take a swig of Coke) blah, blah, blah….”) In fact, I do want to thank my crew, namely Matt Yutzy, the 16 year old web master, who designed and set up my site and made it user-friendly to a total tech-klutz like me. Matt’s company, CTMedia Studios, is linked to the bottom of each page on this site, and I highly recommend his services. Quality and affordability are his hallmarks.
The pictures are probably of most interest to family, friends and those who knew me way back when. I dusted off a batch, sorted through them and took them to a professional, who scanned them and touched them up where needed. It cost me $100, but was well worth it, especially now that they are posted and available to anyone who wants them. I hope my old Amish buddies on a Sunday afternoon don’t beat me up when we next meet.
So how many of you have clicked on the Superfood link and gotten healthy? It’s as good as the testimonies claim, even better, in fact. I started taking it sometime after I quit drinking in 2005 to restore my body. It took a month or so to really feel it, but I would not be without it anywhere now.
I also wonder how many of you actually linked to the other sites that are listed. I can’t say enough about the Fred Reed-Outstanding Curmudgeon site. The man writes what he thinks and it’s all politically incorrect and thus extremely sensible, even when he bashes President Bush, which is every once in a while. He is especially scornful of “security” at airports and such.
Other than that, I don’t have much to write, except to say that I hope to continue blogging, most likely on a weekly basis. I welcome your comments and if anyone wants to challenge anything I wrote or to debate issues (any liberals out there?) you are welcome. If your comment is too long, email it to me and I’ll copy it over.
I am doing fine batching, except as a cook. So, for all you locals out there, I absolutely appreciate and adore leftovers. I ALWAYS compliment the cook, even if the food is burnt (not that yours would be, of course). Finally, I am very pumped because this morning after my workout at the gym, I weighed in at 199 pounds, under 200 for the first time in twenty years. All those at the gym, a raggedy crowd of about five people, gave me a clamorous ovation. About that I feel GOOD.
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