June 20, 2008

The Peddler’s Son (Sketch #9)

Category: News — Ira @ 6:56 pm

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Pedlar’s coming down the street,
Housewives beat a swift retreat.
Don’t you answer to the bell;
Heedless what she has to sell.
Just discreetly go inside.
We must hang a board, I fear:
PEDLARS NOT PERMITTED HERE.

—Robert Service, “Pedlar”
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I see them now, increasingly abundant, stacked in neat little rows on tables on the small roadside stands dotting the back roads of Lancaster County. Strawberries. By the pint and by the quart. Large, luscious, deep rich red. Delicious and juicy.

Someone had to pick them, much earlier, as the sun was rising. Probably the children, now out of school for the summer. Each day, newly ripe red berries plucked from row after row of plants on the straw-covered earth.

On our farm in Aylmer, we raised what seemed like acres and acres of strawberries each year. In reality, though, it was probably usually an acre or less. Squat green plants with large leaves. Everbearing. Which meant they bore strawberries through the eternity of summer until the frost killed the plants.

The first ones arrived in early June. A handful, then increasing each day. We picked them eagerly and carried them in to Mom, who mashed them in a bowl, added and mixed in some white sugar, and whoola, a most delicious concoction. Mom always baked little flat round lumps of shortcake, which, smothered with the strawberries and fresh thick cream, was a fit feast for a king.

After about a week or so, the whole patch exploded with the bright red berries. And the newness wore off quickly. On picking day, we were in the patch soon after sunrise, when all the world was wet with dew. On our hands and knees, we crawled along the rows, filling quart after quart. The little green quart containers were then packed into white cardboard crates and stacked at the end of the patch.

Usually by late morning, or noon at the latest, we were done. And then it would be decided who would get to load the crates into our old topbuggy and head to town to sell the strawberries. By peddling them, house to house.

It was usually one of my older sisters and one of my older brothers. We were all eager to go. I remember when it was decided for the first time that I would be the one.

It was a hot, sunny day. We had been picking strawberries all morning. Red ripe berries; we were sick to death of them. We plugged along, and by mid-morning, we were still hard at it. Dad came around to check on our progress. That was when I heard the first whisper. Ira would go to town with Rachel to peddle the strawberries.

I was probably ten or eleven years old. Going to town for any reason was a huge deal. And now I was chosen to go sell. Peddle, house to house. This was a clear, definite step toward manhood. I couldn’t believe my good fortune.

And it wasn’t like I hadn’t sold things before. My father sold cherries and peaches in season from a vendor’s stand at the local sales barn. He also sold shrubs and nursery stock, and we boys at a young age served the customers who came to buy. We could converse well in English and were mostly polite, saying “please” and “thank you” at appropriate moments. So it’s not like I was an untrained, uncouth little savage.

I knew I could peddle.
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My father was the consummate salesman and peddler. In his lifetime, he sold every-thing from purebred Landrace hogs to nursery stock to grape seedlings to fruits of all kinds. He launched and marketed Family Life, selling thousands of subscriptions. He walked the streets selling produce door to door long before I was ever born. If one business failed, it didn’t faze him. He was soon off on another idea, throwing all his energy into his latest schemes.

One long ago summer day he was in Aylmer, peddling cherries door to door. He stop-ped at Dick Smith’s little produce store and sold several cases to Dick. As he was about to leave, a customer pulled up and waved him down. Dad sold her a box of cherries. This rash act enraged Dick Smith, who saw only that Dad was stealing his customer. He rushed out of his store and in an explosion of swearing, roughly ordered Dad off the premises.

Years later, Dad told me this story. In all the years following, he claimed, Dick Smith could not look him in the eye. Because deep down he felt guilty, Dad opined piously, and for all those years. I had a different take. I figured Dick was probably still mad after all those years. I would have been, too, had an Amishman or anyone else pulled off a stunt like that in front of my store.
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We finished the patch; it was close to noon. My brothers loaded the buggy while Rachel and I went to the house to change into cleaner “going away” clothes. I covered my bare feet with a pair of socks and shoes.

By now, the trusty old driving horse was hitched to the buggy. The back was laden to the brim with crates of strawberries. And off we creaked, down the gravel road, seven miles to the town of Aylmer.

Dad had cobbled together a rickety white wooden sign with the word STRAWBERRIES emblazoned on it in bold black letters. The sign was mounted across the top of the buggy. To alert the public what we were selling.

We trundled through the community, heading west. It took close to an hour to reach town. We entered the outskirts and headed to the residential section, the horse’s hooves clip-clopping on the pavement. A small backwater town, but to my wondering eyes, the elaborate cosmopolitan vistas of a great shining city.

Rachel was in her teens. We were actually two children, proudly taking on the grave responsibility of selling produce for the support of the family and the farm.

It was so long ago. And yet I remember vividly the clear blue skies, the sun beating down and the unfamiliar paved streets lined with white clapboard houses. Stepping out of the buggy onto the hot asphalt. Tying up the horse to a nearby telephone pole.

It was time to begin. Rachel and I each took a full white cardboard crate from the back of the buggy. She went to one side of the street, I to the other. I approached the first house. Knocked on the door.

The woman who answered that first tentative knock may or may not have purchased a quart of strawberries. I can’t remember. Or the next house. I do remember that after an hour or two, I had sold many quarts of strawberries. One at this house, two at that, and half a dozen there. The houses and the blocks faded into each other, stretched out in a long endless horizon of frowning facades.

It must have been a sight to see, and I would surely chuckle at it now. A young Amish girl and an excited little straw-hatted boy walking door to door carrying crates of strawberries. The townspeople were mostly nice and mostly patient, and many were delighted to buy fresh farm-raised produce at their doorsteps for fifty cents a quart. Some, however, were rude and abrupt, curtly stating they were not interested.

We walked and we knocked and we sold and we walked and restocked our crates and knocked some more and sold and sold. Once in awhile one of us walked back and moved the horse and buggy forward a few blocks and retied the horse to yet one more telephone pole.

And the great stacks of full crates gradually diminished as we trudged doggedly from street to street and house to house and door to door, selling our wares. By late after-noon we could see the end. And then we were done. Exhausted and drooping, we untied the horse and headed downtown to the stores. Now for the reward.

We walked into Clarke’s Restaurant on Main Street and sat at a booth. Clarke’s is one of the earliest restaurants in my memory. Long and narrow. Booths lined the walls, and each booth had a little glass case with song selections for the juke box. For a quarter, you could pick a few songs to play. The song that was all the rage back then, the song my brothers sang at home after their own trips to town, was Sammy Davis Jr.’s “The Candy Man Can.”

Rachel allowed me to order a hamburger, French fries and a milk shake. A huge treat, boughten “English” food at a restaurant. After my plate arrived, I sprinkled what I thought was salt onto my fries. I grasped and gulped a great handful, and spit them out. Tasted strange. Rachel realized what I’d done and burst out laughing. I had dumped sugar, not salt, on my fries. I scraped it off the best I could and ate them anyway. Too big a treat to waste, even if sugared.

After some shopping, we returned home triumphant. Successful in our mission. And that was the first of many such experiences for me. To Aylmer and to Tillsonburg, a small town east of us (and where I was born). I became quite proficient in chatting up my prospective customers. At calculating and returning correct change on the spot. Overall, quite a successful little peddler.

I think back now sometimes to those experiences through the bridge of years, and reflect that they were good. And I wonder if it still happens, if Amish children still walk the streets of small towns door to door, peddling produce. In Aylmer or anywhere else. I suppose it does and they do.

Today, while I have not inherited my father’s entrepreneurial spirit, I do possess his gift of selling. I enjoy it at my job. I am decently good at what I do.

I did inherit one other important thing from him. And while I blossomed late, I have always known that one day I too would follow the true calling of my heart. As he has followed that same calling from his youth.

He approaches the end of a long productive career. I have just entered the door. I’m finding my bearings. Learning the discipline of self-imposed deadlines. And exploring the parameters of my narrative.

There is so much to say and write.

I hope I will do him proud.

June 13, 2008

Redundance Revisited…

Category: News — Ira @ 6:50 pm

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“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing
over and over and expecting different results.”

—Benjamin Franklin — or not
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It never stops. The adventure, that is. Not exactly the kind of adventure I’d choose if given the choice, but one must take them as they come. And roll with the flow. Or the punches.

A new tenant moved in last weekend. Or tenants, to be accurate. Two single women, who work for the same employer, and needed a place to live. An old friend of mine dates one of them, and he approached me about renting the apartment for them. I was dubious, but said if they could come up with two months’ security deposit, plus one month’s rent, I would let them in. With two months’ security, I figured, I could weather just about any potential storm.

They came up with the money. So one night last week, I met with them and went over the lease. Explained every paragraph. What would happen if the rent was not paid. What they could expect for winter heating bills. What I expected as a landlord. No loud noises, loud music, especially at night. No disturbing the neighborhood. And so on and so forth.

Eager to proceed, they nodded happily and agreed to all terms and signed their names with happy flourishes and shining eyes. A place of their own. Oh, my. They were excit-ed. I felt a little puff of satisfaction. Helping them out, I was. For a price, of course. I smugly deposited my money in the bank.

On Saturday, it was blitzing hot outside. They moved in a lot of furniture, and by Sun-day afternoon, were comfortably ensconced upstairs. So far, so good.

As I usually do Sunday evenings, I left to eat dinner with my friends Paul and Anne Marie Zook at their home. We always catch up with the latest on our Sunday night chats. I spent a couple of fun hours with them. Then around 7:30, I headed home so as to be in time to catch The Simpsons at eight. Nothing more than that on my mind, so help me.

It was hot. I cranked up Big Blue’s air conditioner and sped merrily down Peters Road to Rt. 23. Turned right, toward my house on the next corner.

I approached the turn, and my house. Strangely, there seemed to be a lot of vehicles parked on the road outside my house. And a lot of people in my yard. A lot. I looked more closely. These were people I’d never seen before.

This could not possibly be good. Trust me, if you ever approach your own home and the yard is full of strangers, with cars parked about on the road, willy nilly, that can never bode well for anyone. Never, under any circumstances. Perturbed, I checked out the scene as I pulled up to my own drive.

One of my new tenants seemed to be having an altercation with a strange man I’d never seen before. A short, bearded man with red hair and many tattoos. Standing toe to toe, faces inches apart, they were hollering loudly at each other. Screaming. Curs-ing. Gesticulating. Running back and forth across my yard. Others milled about list-lessly, watching the two go at it. A large hard-faced buxom woman off to the side was holding on to two frightened little kids. Redneck city, right in my yard.

I parked the truck. Walked into my house. Their screams penetrated my living room. This was completely unacceptable. I opened my porch door and stepped out. They paused briefly and stared at me.

“If you guys have issues, take it off my property,” I said. “I don’t want this noise and all those vehicles parked around here.”

The short tattooed red-haired man mumbled incoherently. The two of them charged across the street, off my property, and stood there on the sidewalk and resumed their screaming and cursing. Something about kids.

Three or four vehicles were parked on the street. Looked like extended family. The tattooed man’s, no doubt. Supporting him.

I called my friend who had rented the apartment for the girls. Where was he? In New Holland, he said. There’s a situation here, lots of people screaming around out in my yard, and it’s not a good thing, I hollered. I’ll be right up, he said. I hung up.

I walked back out. The two had re-crossed the street and returned to my property. Both in total meltdown. Screaming. Cursing. At the top of their voices. I glanced ner-vously at the neighboring houses. Several porches sported couples sitting side by side on lawn chairs, enjoying the show. Looking curiouser and curiouser, they were.

I groaned inside. This was all I needed. Just unbelievable. I was horrified. What kind of wackos lived in my house now? Get rid of one and now this. And where the (bleep) was my friend who had got them in?

The screaming and hollering escalated. “HE’S TAKING MY KIDS,” she screamed, red-faced and about to pop, her voice ricocheting through the canyon of houses along the street. Kids? I didn’t even know she had kids. No one had mentioned any kids.

The Amish neighbors directly to the east ambled about busily in their yard in their Sunday clothes and tried to act disinterested. I imagined I saw the glint of binoculars.

Pure madness. The whole thing. But it couldn’t get much worse, I figured.

I figured wrong.

Because right about then the cops showed up. In two cruisers. Thankfully, no flashing lights or sirens. They parked in line with all the other vehicles on the street. A real party. Maybe I should fire up my grill. Just feed them all while they’re here. Might calm them down.

All we need now, I thought to myself, is for a leather-jacketed Harley motorcycle gang to show up yet. And have a real rumble. I felt like a character in a cartoon strip. At that point, Porky Pig could have popped out of a car and not surprised me. Or Wile E. and the Roadrunner.

My mind flashed back to a conversation I had with a local detective some months ago. “We used to get called out to your house all the time,” he told me. “All kinds of fights and ruckuses. Haven’t been there in a few years now.” I’d felt proud that I had man-aged to maintain order, so the local cops were unfamiliar with my place now for the last seven years.

Well, they were back.

Two officers emerged from the police cruisers and walked stiffly up to the screaming couple. Separated them. Young guys. I pitied them, walking into a mess like this. At my house, yet.

Several more neighbors appeared as if by magic on their porches up and down the street and stared. Curiouser and curiouser. They must be alerting each other by phone. Why watch TV when the real live show was unfolding right before them?

My friend who’d talked me into renting the apartment showed up, red faced and em-barrassed. Wasn’t much he could do. The girl involved in the fracas was not his girl-friend. The other one was.

Twenty long minutes later the cops finally got everything straightened out and sent the two kids with the tattooed young man and the extended family. The convoy rumbled away and out of sight. My friend and his girlfriend, who had now arrived as well, stood about and we talked a few minutes.

“Your issues are none of my business,” I told them. “But your issues exploding like this in my yard are my business. It better not happen again.”

They assured me it would not. I got in my truck and backed out of my drive. Never got to watch The Simpsons, even. As I roared away, the poor girl who lost her kids sat on the back porch steps, holding her head in her hands, too exhausted to even weep. And so I left them.

And other than that little incident, my first week with the new tenants upstairs was quiet and peaceful.

Anyone interested in a nice two-story, two unit brick house in New Holland, PA? Talk to me.

Well, a real chance for a Triple Crown winner for the first time in thirty years, and he blows it. Big Brown, the horse that couldn’t. Shriveled up like a whipped puppy. Didn’t even look like he was trying.

It’s a rare thing and a tough thing, the Triple Crown. To win three of the big races in a five-week span. It’s hard. Hasn’t happened since I was sixteen years old, back when I thought I knew everything and was, well, pretty ignorant about a lot of things.

I was home on Saturday afternoon in plenty of time to watch. All the talking heads were pretty much crowning the winner already, which made me a little uneasy. Talk all you want. You still have to win the race. Or the game. Ask the Patriots.

During the race, Big Brown lurked on the outside, just like he had on the two previous races. In third place. But when they got down to the last few furlongs, when he should have accelerated, he seemed lackluster. Instead of surging, he lagged. And fell behind. His jockey pulled him up, and he finished dead last. Irritated, I turned off the TV and left the house. I had no stomach for all the talking heads trying to cover their predictions (and their butts).

Gas prices continue to climb. Big Blue’s consumption now approaches close to $100 a week, for local driving. Not quite what I had in mind when I bought the truck. And the winter heating bills, I shudder to even think about them. Of course, we can all rest in the knowledge that Obama the messiah will take care of everything after he gets elected.

Congratulations to Reuben Wagler and Barbara Graber on their wedding Saturday, June 14, in Jamesport, MO. I couldn’t make it, but I send my best wishes.

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Barbara and Reuben